I’ll never forget attending a personal development workshop a few years ago on focus and productivity. The facilitator made a comment that had the whole room laughing uncomfortably: “The state of my laundry basket often reflects how well my business is performing!”
We all knew exactly what she meant. When work is going well, everything else falls by the wayside. We’re all on or all off. There’s rarely a comfortable middle ground.
As someone who works with obsessively hard-working over-achievers across pharmaceutical, IT, and life sciences sectors, I see this pattern constantly. These committed individuals strive for perfection in all areas of their lives, yet that very drive often becomes the biggest barrier to building genuine resilience.
Over recent years, resilience has become a workplace buzzword. Everyone agrees it’s critical in our uncertain business environment. Yet despite recognising its importance, many professionals struggle to make meaningful progress.
The uncomfortable fact is that resilience isn’t a switch to be flicked on or off. It’s a mindset to be established that needs work and focus. Through extensive coaching work, two fundamental barriers consistently emerge as the primary obstacles preventing people from building lasting resilience.
Barrier 1: Not Processing Negative Experiences
“Just get on with it” or “develop a stiff upper lip” are phrases from the past regarding how we handle workplace challenges. Yet many professionals still operate under this outdated mentality, and it’s actively undermining their resilience.
The Real Cost of Avoidance
Stress is often brought on by inability to deal with negative experiences effectively. Globally, we’re seeing the highest levels of alcohol and substance use, much of it related to how people process (or fail to process) negative experiences and the emotions they trigger.
Who hasn’t had a difficult day and opened a chilled glass of wine to relax? Many of us, I suspect. The problem arises when this becomes a pattern, a daily occurrence over months and years. People start “buffering” away their negative emotions without examining them critically.
Whilst wine, shopping, or endless social media scrolling provide a dopamine hit and a temporary better feeling, it’s short-lived. Ultimately, the negative feelings increase because nothing has been actually processed or resolved.
Why Our Brains Overreact
Humans are amazing, and our minds are incredible. However, one part of our brain hasn’t developed much over millennia: the limbic brain, whose job is to protect us at all costs.
Unfortunately, this part of our brain can dramatically overreact. That comment from a colleague or someone disagreeing with us in a meeting can blow up into something much more significant than it actually is. This overreaction then stalls our ability to bounce back and build resilience.
The limbic brain hasn’t evolved to distinguish between genuine physical threats and modern workplace pressures. A disagreement with a team member or critical feedback triggers the same protective mechanisms designed for actual danger.
The Power of Processing
Building resilience requires processing thoughts rather than rushing to quick fixes. This means:
Catching your thoughts: Notice what you’re thinking when negative experiences occur. Don’t just react automatically.
Examining them critically: Recognise that thoughts are choices, not immutable facts. Ask yourself: Is this thought actually true? What evidence supports it? What alternative perspectives might be equally valid?
Talking things through: Working with a coach or trusted colleague helps examine what thoughts mean. They aren’t always true, and catching them is the first step to building genuine resilience.
This is part of a growth mindset that alters ability to perform in all areas of life, especially when it comes to becoming resilient.
Barrier 2: Failing to Establish Work-Life Integration
This is the laundry basket problem. For many high-achieving professionals, work plays such a huge part in their lives that everything else becomes negotiable. The challenge is switching off and getting the balance right.
The Remote Work Trap
Remember March 2020? Covid accelerated the remote working revolution. Many employees, rather than using their commute time for personal self-care, took it as an opportunity to “do” more work.
The boundaries between professional and personal time blurred completely. Without the physical separation of office and home, many people found themselves working longer hours than ever before, all whilst telling themselves they were being more productive.
Challenging Perfectionist Beliefs
Many barriers to building resilience stem from underlying beliefs about success and achievement. The conviction that high performers must “do it all,” that being constantly available and the font of all knowledge is what success requires, creates unsustainable pressure.
This might be uncomfortable to read, but putting yourself first is essential. Otherwise, how can you have the strength, resources, and resilience to help others? So obvious when you see it written, yet even the best of us forget this fundamental truth.
My Personal Strategy
When it comes to putting myself first, planning and balancing work and home life together has been a game changer. This might surprise you, but as I organise my year, I first add all my personal events into my calendar.
That means:
- Holiday dates
- Weekends with friends
- Theatre visits
- Visits to family
- Special birthdays
- Development courses
- Any personal commitments that matter to me
Balance has many elements, and having different personal activities keeps perspective and alignment with all my values. I build work around my diary, not the other way around.
It’s fascinating that making this decision opens the space for a well-rested and happy me who can deliver my best self for clients and always bounce back. A win-win for all, I would say.
Practical Steps for Work-Life Integration
Treat personal commitments as seriously as professional ones: Schedule them first, before adding work obligations.
Establish clear boundaries: Define when your workday ends. Stick to it. Being constantly available doesn’t make you more valuable; it makes you exhausted.
Create varied experiences: Different activities outside work provide the mental resources necessary for creative problem-solving and emotional regulation during challenging periods.
Challenge “all or nothing” thinking: Perfection in every area of life simultaneously isn’t necessary. Sometimes the laundry basket is full, and that’s genuinely fine.
Building Your Resilience Foundation
The path to building resilience at work requires addressing both psychological and practical barriers. By learning to process negative experiences effectively and establishing appropriate work-life integration, professionals can develop the mental strength necessary for long-term success.
Remember that resilience isn’t about avoiding challenges. It’s about developing the skills and mindset needed to navigate them effectively whilst maintaining wellbeing and performance standards.
With consistent application of these strategies, any professional can overcome these barriers and build lasting workplace resilience. It takes work and focus, but the results (improved stress management, better decision-making, and sustained high performance) make the investment worthwhile.
Frequently Asked Questions About Building Resilience at Work
Your Path Forward
These two barriers (failing to process negative experiences and struggling with work-life integration) prevent more professionals from building resilience than any other factors. The good news? Both are entirely within your control to address.
You don’t need to overhaul your entire life overnight. Start small. Notice one thought pattern this week. Schedule one personal commitment before adding work to your calendar. Process one difficult experience rather than buffering it away.
Building resilience requires deliberate cultivation and consistent practice. It’s work, certainly. But it’s work that pays dividends in every area of your professional and personal life.